


Her Knight

by SimplicityInADream



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Knight James, Princess Lily - Freeform, Romance, Sir James - Freeform, jily, royal au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2019-10-27 00:36:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17756435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SimplicityInADream/pseuds/SimplicityInADream
Summary: The difference between life and truly living, is love.With a deep breath, he said, “Many servants are scared of you.”There was a beat of deathly silence, as she swallowed this expected, but uneasy truth. Then,“Are you?”Her eyes showed earnest he’d never seen before, those two words meaning things he couldn’t quite comprehend,Or maybe he was just nervous.“Your Highness-”She shook her head as means of interruption.“Please,”The world halted, and the stable was suddenly too small. Even the wind paused it’s pandemonium.“Call me Lily.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ClaudiaWrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClaudiaWrites/gifts).



> This is my first official multi-chapter HP fic, and my first story on here! It's also my first Jily fic, so I really hope you enjoy! Dedicated to the wonderful Claudia!  
> P.S (Who does Ms. Crow remind you of? Tell me in the comments!)
> 
> Please leave your kudos, and/or a comment to let me know what you think! It'd be much appreciated, thank you!!

The eyes were a mass of murky black, a small circle of them darker than the rest. It was these circles that shrunk to half their size, boring holes as they glared at the girl.

“Miss Evans?”

The girl fought against a shudder, never breaking eye contact. 

“Ms Crow?”

The wrinkles on the old tutor’s face creased in annoyance. “Can you please give me the answer to my question?”

18\. 

Lily was 18, and stuck in a cage with this old bat, who’s voice could send even the most eager students to an early drop-out.

She had been doing what she usually did; blurring out the noise and allowing her mind to run away. Far, far away. 

She’d actually been swimming in the warm seas of Spain before being rudely interrupted. 

A pungent wave of breath told her Ms Crow was still awaiting her reply.

Lily had no choice, “Would you mind repeating?” 

Her tutor straightened slowly, a smirk growing on her thin lips. She twirled her pointer-stick in her fingers, displaying some particularly old teeth.

Lily felt it best not to gag.

“Daydreaming, Miss? Well, the King will not be happy about this, I’m sure.”

Every word dripped with a disgusting triumph, the satisfaction Ms Crow got in torturing Lily perfectly clear.

And telling her father would be pure torture.

Once again, she’d be victim of an hour lecture about her ‘duties’, and responsibility to the kingdom as heir. Her father’s voice was so clear in her mind, Lily couldn’t help but groan.

Her auburn locks were too tight behind her tiara, the corset was pinching her ribs, and the boredom had numbed her skill.

She needed to get out of there.

No sooner had this thought graced her, when solace appeared, in the form of a timid servant entering the room. The young girl took one look at Ms Crow, and visibly shuddered. 

Yeah, the woman had that effect on people.

“Sorry Ms, but the Queen requires your audience urgently.”

The servant, unsure of herself now that she had delivered her message, curtsied and got the hell out of there, Lily yearning to follow her away too. 

The tutor wore a defeated look on her face when she turned back to her student. 

“You will not leave this room. I shall return shortly.”

And with a sweep of her black robes, and a slam of a door, she was gone. 

A sigh of relief left Lily’s lips. 

She instantly leapt from her chair, stretching her legs and making a mental note to thank her mother with many kisses for this brief release from Hell.

The tall windows of the classroom called the Princess, and she approached them eagerly. Outside, the sun was the highest it could reach in a day, basking a soft glow on the Kingdom below. 

Her Kingdom. 

She trailed the window with a lone finger, unsurprisingly collecting no dust. 

“My beautiful cage.”

Stupid rotas, stupid routine.

“Stupid corset.” She groaned as it poked at her chest, teasing her.

She guessed she was being ungrateful, as her father often told her. 

“Every child is born into a life, and this is the life they are destined to lead. You are blessed, Lily, that the life you were chosen for is one of the royals. You serve your people, and your people serve you.”

Serving her people? 

She knew what that meant. 

Getting married to a stuffy, pretty boy prince and standing aside as he made all of the decisions. She didn’t understand why she needed tutoring if all she was being molded into was arm candy.

And she despised that future. Princess, Queen, Wife, Mother. 

Her story had already been laid out, without her input at all. She would never be a leader like her dad.

The window once again stole her attention, as this was the time the Kingdoms streets were their busiest. Though she was too far away to hear the sounds, she could see them. Imagine what it was like.

Almost lunch, everyone rushing to their families, to sit around a large table, grateful for all that they had.

They would laugh, share stories, or even cry. 

They would live. 

Abruptly, without her mind really being aware, Lily had shed her lace shawl, tossing it to the ground. 

She needed to breathe, just for once. And not this purified, royal nonsense. 

She wanted real air. But when she reached the door, a brief moment of hesitation made her halt.

It was bound to go wrong. It was crazy, and wrong, and the amount of trouble she could get into was immeasurable.

Lily slipped from the room, heels clutched in one hand, heart beating like a frenzied drum.

She had no idea what she was doing, but it felt right. 

With stealth she didn’t know she possessed, she tiptoed down halls, breaking down silver staircases, occasionally nodding to a confused servant, before hurriedly continuing on her way.

The doors.

That’s where her heart had taken her.

The strong iron gleamed at her, as if daring her to try and surpass them. 

She straightened, mustering every posture lesson she’d ever had, and turned to face the three guards stationed just before the exit.

“Good day to you, loyal knights.” 

Lily caught their curious looks as she lowered into a curtsy. One of the men, the middle one, cast a look at the shoes still in her hand.

She smiled at him, waving away his curiosity. “They were hurting my feet.” And she bent down, slowly edging the heels back on. 

If she wanted to get past these men, she’d need to use her damned special weapon.

When she rose again, her smile was gone. “My father requires your help in the great hall. He sent me here to fetch you.”

The guard on the right, the eldest of the three, with silver curls dotted amongst his black, frowned. “He sent you, ma’am?” 

She narrowed her eyes at him, “Are you refusing to follow my father’s orders?” Her tone was threatening, and it filled her mouth with a bitter taste. The three knights quickly shook their heads, murmuring their apologies as they rushed past her, heading to an empty great hall.

Lily couldn’t afford to feel guilty. Not when she was so close.

So close that when she pushed open the doors, the large creak echoing through the hallway, she could hear the distant hubbub of streets.

As a child one day, she’d been playing in the grounds, and discovered a small crack in the walls surrounding the castle. 

She could use that, if they hadn’t repaired it. Or she could trick the many guards at the entrance to let her pass? Or she could disguise-

“Princess?”

Every bone in her body froze.

“Princess?” The voice bounced off the tall walls of the hallway.

So close.

“Princess?” Footsteps, loud and rhythmic were approaching her, and Lily knew there was no use.

She spun around, forcing a smile on her lips. “Yes?”

And as if it wasn’t already awkward enough, it was him.

“Sir?” 

The sounds of the kingdom were shut out with a snap, as the knight Lily knew well slammed it close.

Unlike the eyes of Mrs. Crow, this particular knight had eyes she didn’t mind looking at it, like she often did.

He was regularly stationed in their dinner hall, and outside of council meetings. Lily assumed he was one of the best guards in her father’s circle.

His face fairly serious, but the laugh lines around his eyes told her he lived another life to this one. A normal one. 

This was only the conclusion of bored speculation, of course. She’d never actually spoken to him.

His brown eyes were soft, and at one dinner when she had been especially bored, she’d spotted the slight gold in them, exposed by sun.

There was no gold, however, as he glared at her then.

One hand on the door, his face was almost too close, his kind eyes very shocked.

“What were you thinking?”

Lily blinked, not expecting to be addressed like this.   
Immediately, the royal in her flared.

“And what do you think you are doing, standing so close to me?”

Her voice was abnormal to her, but the power felt sickeningly good as the knight took a step back.

He cleared his throat, unruly hair, (clearly due a cut), shaking with his head. “I’m sorry, ma’am. But you know you aren’t allowed to leave.”

Lily scoffed, and the attractive knight did not cower from her like the others would’ve. 

Okay, so he wasn’t a pushover. 

Well neither was she.

“I am your leader. You have no authority over me.” 

The knight stared at her, sharply carved features not even twitching.  
“And again, I apologise. But you are the future queen, and it is my duty to keep you safe.”

Lily almost growled in frustration. She flicked her red hair back, and scanned the man’s face. He certainly wasn’t old. Weeks of observation told her he was about her age, if only slightly older.

And yet, he wouldn’t back down. 

She could have him thrown in the dungeons! His disrespect could have him thrown to work in the kitchens forever! 

One word, and it was all over for him.

Freedom, just one step away. 

He did show emotion then, as she turned from him, stalking back towards the staircase.

His eyebrows twitched up in surprise. Shock, that the bratty princess he’d heard story after story about hadn’t retaliated. 

The look that had been on her face? He thought for sure he’d been destined for years in hell. 

She stopped, halfway up the staircase, turning back to him. 

Here it was, his death sentence, about to leave her lips. 

But, the knight noticed, there was no exceptional malice in her face as she opened her mouth to speak.

“See you at dinner.”

And as the princess disappeared from view, the knight swore he saw a sly smile grace her features.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The difference between life and truly living, is love."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Wow, so all of you reading this right now are honestly the best people in the universe! 73 hits last chapter?!?! As a newbie, I really wasn't expecting that, like wow! I literally spent the entire day in shock! Everyone who left/gave kudos, (which one is correct lol) and my lovely friends who commented, and everyone who read, thank youu!!!
> 
> I'm really buzzing for this chapter, because it's when things really kick into motion! Hope you enjoy, and thank you again!
> 
> (P.S Comment below and tell me if you are obsessed with reading like Lily, (and me tbh) and what your fav book is! I'm looking for some recs!)

Books were sprawled everywhere, each one discarded after being deemed too tiring to read. 

It wasn’t like the Princess hated reading, she’d just read them all about a hundred times. 

It was hard to enjoy a book once you’d practically memorised it. 

Sun cracked through the gleaming windows, but none seemed to touch Lily’s skin. Instead, gloom radiated from her, repelling any light that tried to touch her soul.

The usual quiet of her large bedroom stretched long, and ageless, carrying Lily to the pianoforte in search of entertainment. 

Her fingers trailed over the clean keys, but she couldn’t bring herself to play anything.

Happy, or sad, playing required emotion, and today Lily just seemed void of any.

A side-effect of deep loneliness, she guessed.

That night passed, she had dreamt of her near escape. And the knight. When she thought of him an emotion did fill her chest.

Anger. An anger that slowly ebbed into annoyance. He’d stolen her freedom.

Mulling over it only caused her to curse how close she’d been. To curse him. Idiot.

Righteous, good-at-his-job, gorgeous idiot. 

Yes, her plan had been reckless, and destined to fail, but that feeling when she ran, leaving Ms.Crow and her rancid breath behind, was complete euphoria that she’d never feel again.

Idiot.

She swore if she saw him again-

A sharp knock erased the end of her thought, when a timid servant entered her quarters, curtsying before she spoke.

“A royal guard wishes to see you, your Highness.”

Confused, and slightly worried that a higher spirit could hear her thoughts, she bowed her head in admittance.

And who to follow the servant but the nightmare knight himself? 

His face was it’s usual passive, and in his hand he held a necklace.

Shock stopped her from saying anything right away. 

What in all the Gods was he doing here? In her room? No plausible ideas came to mind.

His eyes widened slightly, and Lily watched as he took in her quarters. She tried to ignore the clutter of books, absolutely not feeling embarrassed at all.

“I believe this is yours, your Highness.” He announced, as soon as the servant had left.

She raised an eyebrow as he continued.

“It was discovered from the ballroom this morning. I was instructed to return it to you.” His voice was surprisingly soft, not as gruff as yesterday. But still, clear, sharp, formal.

He held the necklace out for her, and Lily took it hesitantly. 

“This seems a lowly job for a royal knight,” 

She twirled the diamond chain in her fingers, “Was there anything else?”

What the hell was going on? 

The knight did do something strange then. He coughed, and then he-(Lily was sure of it)- he blushed. Only slightly, but it was there.

He coughed again, regaining composure as if nothing awkward had passed. “No job is too lowly, if I am demanded of it.”

She held back an eyeroll at his words. But there was something about the way he stood, not really awaiting dismissal, but almost….reluctant to leave?

No. Now Lily was really going crazy. 

There was no way Sir sour face was in anyway inclined to stay with her. 

She recalled the way he’d looked at her yesterday, as if she were no more than insane.

The silence between them had gone on for too long, but before any one of them could break it, they were intruded on by another servant, who anxiously related the arrival of the Queen.

The Knight, (who was still nameless to her) made it a point of straightening his form, and stepping back from the Princess.

Queen Evelyn swished through the many fabrics of her pale gown, gracefully, yet determinedly coming to envelop her daughter into a hug. 

Her mother’s beautiful scarlett locks cascaded down Lily’s back, mixing with the Princess’ own.

“Darling! It feels like days since we last met like this.” Her voice was sweet, and smooth. Just as a Queen should be.

Lily smiled, “It has been.”

The Queen either didn’t hear, or chose to ignore these words, quickly inquiring after her daughter’s health, if only as a means of getting it out of the way. 

She gave Lily a quick smile, her blue orbs bright with a delight that had nothing to do with the love she held for her daughter.

No, it was obvious she had something very important to announce.

The Knight watched the Princess from where he stood, somehow unable to excuse himself from the room. Her smile rooted him to the spot. It was so strained, he was surprised the Queen didn’t see through it.

Her mother was talking way too fast, and he only tuned back in when he heard the word ‘suitor’. 

Her mother’s lady in waiting had handed her a few photographs, and the Queen was flicking through them excitedly as she spoke. They were all of one man.

“Prince Hadrian of our neighbouring Kingdom. He has agreed, my dear Lily!”

The Queen was practically squealing, and it did not take Lily long to decipher her happiness.

“He is to be my suitor?” 

Her voice betrayed nothing.

The Queen, in her hurry, had not noticed the guard stood a little ways beside them until then. 

“You are excused.” 

She gave him his long overdue dismissal, and however reluctant he may have been, there was no space to argue. 

His exit was accompanied with the Queen mentioning that Prince Hadrian was to arrive at the Palace at the end of the week.

“Sir!” 

This call froze the Knight’s footsteps, and he turned at the sound of the Princess’ voice.

“Your highness?”

He couldn’t read her expression now, and was further confused by her question.

“What’s your name?”

The Queen looked bemused from beside her daughter, but Lily either didn’t notice, or didn’t care.

It took him a beat to recover.

“James, your highness.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The difference between life, and truly living, is love."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaah, this is a bit of a long one! Several different characters take a turn at narrating in this chapter, so I hope you like the change! 
> 
> Big things, or shall I say, 'people', are arriving at the Kingdom!! Again, I am in awe of the support and love this fic has received honestly, I've been feeling under the weather today, and seeing the comments and hits and kudos on here has been getting me through it.
> 
> I so hope you enjoy the chapter, and hey, while you're at it, let me know what you think in the comments! Give me your opinion on the new arrival! Love you all! 
> 
> ~ Fi

The Palace was in complete chaos. Servants swarmed from their quarters, their hands full with preparations. Everywhere they worked, cleaning and re-cleaning, perfecting, and decorating and trimming until the Palace had outshone it’s previous glamour, which was a feat in itself. 

The ballroom had completely transformed, Lily had seen it in passing one day. 

She’d caught a glimpse of golden wall drapes, before the door had been slammed shut, and she’d been dragged off to another dress fitting.

The Princess had certainly been busy herself. Her days had been swarmed with fabrics, accessories, dance and etiquette lessons, and information on the’ visitor’. 

She refused to call him what her mother did.

Suitor.

No, visitor was just fine. 

Despite being surrounded by a trillion people, no-one had actually stopped to talk to her. Ask her what she thought of all of this.

Marrying their neighbouring kingdom? It was the perfect proposal for her own kingdom. For politics, for economy, for their army and forces.

Not for her, but she guessed that wasn’t important. 

The most she’d seen of her father was when he’d visited one of her etiquette lessons to congratulate her on the wonderful opportunity.

It felt like a business transaction, much less a proposal. And it wasn’t like she could say no.

All of her life, this was what she’d been prepared for, and there didn’t seem to be another option. 

So why not? Maybe at last she’d have someone to talk to.

These thoughts often depressed her, so while servants tugged at her corset, or brushed colours onto her face, her mind would often to wander to it’s favourite subject.

James. 

Handsome, mysterious, James.

He was too hard to un-riddle. One moment he was stopping her from escaping, and the next he was looking for reasons to see her?

Funnily enough, she now wore the very necklace he’d returned, twirling it through her fingers until her head maid lowered her arm to measure it with tape.

There was to be a ball the next eve. Prince Hadrian would of course be welcomed with the height of celebration. A parade through the Kingdom she’d been told, and a ball to surpass all balls in the Palace. 

Lords, ladies and fellow royals were arriving left, right and centre, and only an hour ago Lily had been alongside her mother, greeting them all.

She sighed, sinking down into a chair. Her servants protested, but she only waved them away wearily. 

Once the room was clear of anyone except her, she cried out, a cry of exhaustion. The corset bit back at her, pressing in on her chest.

The dresses, the Palace, this marriage.

These days, princess sounded a lot more like prisoner.

Lily only hoped the ball would be heavily supplied with wine and food. She’d need the comfort. 

~~~~

He was pacing again. 

With none of his usual alertness, his feet took him back and forth through a deserted hallway in the Palace.

3 days he had been like this. 

James halted, looked out to the window in frustration, and began to pace once more. His thoughts ran their repeated course.

Red, rose-like hair. Hair he wanted to touch.

"She is the Princess!"

The confidence that surrounded her, billowed out of her every breath.

"Why are you so bothered by Prince Hadrian’s arrival?!" 

The slight smile on her full lips, not entirely genuine, but curious.

"She is your future leader!"

But her face never left his mind, her mischievous, kind eyes that many had been taught to fear. 

After only two meetings, he longed to know more of her. To ask her questions, even just to hear her laugh.

These thoughts were obviously ridiculous. And hopefully, with time, they’d fade.

He didn’t want to think of anything but where he was required, which was the receiving party in the Palace ballroom.

He shook himself, calming his heart before setting on his way. 

The Princess did not leave his mind.

~~~~~

A brown autumn leaf, tired of it’s home, tugged at it’s stem.

The tree begged it not to go, but the leaf simply whispered time, and with one final pull, it was free.

Round and round, the wind carrying it through the blue of the kingdom. It surpassed, floating over house and house, human to animal, as they all observed the Prince’s arrival. 

The parade was the finest, with music and beautiful horses surrounding the royal. And every person there was cheering themselves hoarse, at the arrival of their future King. 

Hadrian was a cheery sort, smiling with the use of all his perfect teeth, occasionally brushing away his golden hair to amuse the ladies.

There seemed not to be a bad bone in his body, the leaf observed, but neither was there to be an interesting one. He looked at the world with a complacent, pleasant view.

As his silver mane approached the castle, Prince Hadrian was impressed with what he saw. The castle was richly decorated, heavily guarded it seemed for his arrival, though he knew this kingdom was a peaceful one.

Beautiful banners, the kingdom colours of red and gold, were draped everywhere throughout the kingdom, over houses, on streets, even painted on the chests of some incredibly passionate supporters. 

The Prince raised an incredibly muscled arm, and waved to the admirers. This only caused the cheering to quadruple, and soon that was all he heard, until the palace gates closed behind him. 

The leaf finally twirled to a stop, landing gracefully at the foot of the arriving Prince, as he jumped off of his horse. Immediately servants rushed to his animal, taking a hold of it’s leashes as the prince surveyed his new home.

And as like his nature, he was simply pleased.

The Prince was what a Prince should be, tall, smart and smiling. He was handsome in every aspect, from his striking blue eyes, to the toned legs, suited for dancing, and fencing. 

He was adored by his people, and similarly popular here, and he had no worry in meeting the Royal Family, for it was very unlikely he was not to be their quick favourite.

And for the Princess? He only hoped that she didn’t lose all her senses when she finally met him, as most other women did.

It would be most embarrassing for her.

Hadrian advanced slowly towards the open palace doors, everyone bowing low to accept him. Door after door swung open, and his footsteps echoed in the giant, welcome hallway, as he was ushered to the large ornate doors of what he guessed to be the ballroom.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The difference between life, and truly living, is love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is a long one people! But so worth it, (hopefully), because James and Lily spend some quality time together! How do you think Lily will receive Hadrian?  
> I will never tire of thanking everyone who supports this story, and loud shoutout to my fav people Ky, Claudia and Ali for giving me so much love! You're the best!  
> This is the most important chapter yet!! Hope you enjoy, let me know via the comments!!!  
> (P.S can you spot which familiar HP characters are mentioned?)  
> ~ Fi

To say she wasn’t nervous, would be a lie. 

It wasn’t like she expected to feel for the Prince. No, falling in love was not to be done with an organised match. Not for her anyway.

She had always dreamt of meeting her lover spontaneously, in a crazy sort of way, and have her heart immediately filled with him. 

Lily knew that when she was in love, he would be the only thing she thought of clearly, while the rest of the world was confusing. 

Her heart would beat for him, whomever he may be, and only him. 

Well, that was what books had told her. And though her mother and father were quite happy, she saw no passion, no secret smiles shared between them, or real, true love.

Lily supposed, as she sat at the high table, waiting for the man she’d be stuck with for the rest of her life to arrive, that real, true love wasn’t encouraged. 

An abrupt fanfare echoed around the full ballroom, and every occupant fell silent, and turned towards the entrance.

The large doors creaked open, and the Prince was preceded by James. He walked in, his face stoic and calm, and their eyes met for an instant.

And in that instant, Lily felt more than one incoherent emotion. His eyes flickered, but before she could interpret it, he had walked off to the side, making away for her future husband.

Her mother and father rose, but Lily felt unable to move. This moment had rendered her breathlessly confused, and it was only when her mother pressed her with a look that she stood too.

The very man who’s face she’d seen in many a picture, and occasionally in a nightmare, was smiling as he entered the ballroom. His form was good, face perfectly handsome, and Lily didn’t mind when he winked at her from afar. 

Despite this, her returning smile was forced, and her eyes yearned to drift back to her left.

Her father spoke, voice washing over the nobles who had gathered on the floor.

“Today, we welcome a member of the family. Prince Hadrian, we can just but hope you are comfortable, as we honour you with a ball.”

“This ball is for the purpose of rejoicing, as my only daughter performs her duty, and joins hands with our neighbouring kingdom.”

And with a wave of the King’s hand, the music began, and the excited hubbub and applause of people filled the room. 

When Lily was sure no-one was gawking at her, she snuck a look at the guard that had made her feel so oddly, in search of some sort of answer.

Surprisingly, he was already looking at her. 

He looked almost distressed, halfway through an attempt to figure something out, when, alarmed at her seeing him, his eyes quickly moved to the dancefloor, face normal once more.

The tune that swam through the air was jolly, the atmosphere was high and excitable, yet none of it affected the Princess. For once, though surrounded by people, she wished nothing more than to be stuck, alone, in her room. 

This thought occupied her so fully, that Prince Hadrian was right in front of her before she noticed him. 

“Is your highness always dreaming?” 

His voice was soft, and sweet, and Lily could understand why many girls throughout the kingdom swooned over him. 

Even with this one sentence, she inexplicably found herself blushing. 

She bowed her head, eyes, just as she’d been taught, admiring the floor.

The first rule - Modesty is to be your skin.

“If it is not to your liking, I will never dream again.”

Her sentence was a bit exaggerated, but the second rule she had always found so. 

His favor is most important.

Hadrian simply laughed, a melodic rhythm, before shaking his head. “Your air and address were not fabricated then, by your kingdom’s advisers. You are truly the gracious Princess.”

She smiled at the table, and he tilted his head in search of her eyes. 

“Don’t be so shy, Princess. We are soon to share a world together.”

She almost laughed herself. Her? Shy?

But Lily followed his instruction, eyes meeting his flawless profile. He was satisfied with what he saw, and his smile grew wider.

The Princess squirmed as his eyes slid down her entire body, fully drinking her in. It was uncomfortable, having every inch of her inspected, and she wished someone would speak again to ease the tension.

Miraculously, her mother leaned over, having carefully examined their interaction, and offered the Prince a seat. 

“I insist you take my place next to Lily. I shall sit on my husband’s other side, and you shall take your rightful place next to your wife.” 

Her voice was gleeful, more happy than Lily could ever be at Hadrian.

Wife. The word seemed to stare Lily in her face as her mother rose.

Hadrian’s charming laugh was once again heard, as he corrected the Queen, “Future wife, your majesty. We’re not married yet.”

But he happily took his seat next to Lily, unaware how nauseous the Princess suddenly felt.

Wife?

The music took a sinister turn, the room appearing slightly slanted. The dancing nobles were blurry, and sweat doused Lily’s palms. 

For a reason she didn’t understand, Lily looked for the knight. 

This time he didn’t look away. Instead, he focused even more on her pale face, and read the panic on her face better than she knew.

Her stomach began to dance, and she had to excuse herself. Or this meeting would not end well.

So with a quick mutter of having to ‘powder her nose’, she rose from her chair with urgency, heels clicking through people towards the nearest door.

It was only when she was safely away from the dreaded ballroom, and from Prince Hadrian, that Lily took a proper breath.

She had thought she was ready! That giving away her life for her kingdom would be easy!

But now, she was crumpling under the pressure. 

18\. 

She was an adult, with adult responsibilities, like Ms.Crow had frequently drilled into her mind.

And even though she hated the woman, she could not deny that she was right. This was, as un-magical as possible, her destiny.

So why were her hands still shaking?

The sound of footsteps woke her from her spiral, and she quickly crossed her arms to hide her sweating palms. The footsteps stopped at a distance, and the arrival cleared his throat.

“Your Highness.” 

She recognised that voice. And her eyes confirmed it as she slowly turned. 

“James.”

Again, his expression was indecipherable. But Lily didn’t care. She was just, so relieved.

The pain overtook her face, refusing to hide itself any longer.   
But she still had control of her voice. “I just needed some air, Sir. I’ll return shortly.”

She mustered whatever small bit of courage she had left, and smiled. 

James saw right through it, and it felt like he was listening to something deeper than her words.   
Like he could hear the way her heart protested against her chest, and could read every thought in her mind.

There was no fooling those eyes.

So Lily exhaled, dropping onto a nearby bench. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” 

Her head told her not to say anything more, reminded her that James was just a knight. Not her friend.

James’ thoughts battled, and he longed to pace once more. It was painful to just stand there, while the Princess, Lily, seemed to be falling apart. 

He saw how her hands struggled to stay still, and how tears threatened to fall from her eyes.

Against his better judgement, and with no thought at all to the consequences, the Knight spoke.

“Your Highness, there is better quality air in the gardens, if you wish for me to accompany you.”

Lily’s head snapped up, face betraying confusion. A thousand questions rose to her lips, and she took another look at the doors she had just run from.

“That doesn’t sound horrible.”

The entire walk, he stood rigid, alert, but most of all, nervous. Now it was actually happening, James cursed himself for initiating such a trip. If anyone caught them, the trouble he’d be in was too mountainous to conceive..

And the Princess, she was supposed to be getting familiar with her new husband.

So many risks, yet James couldn’t bring himself to turn around. So instead, he said nothing, and silently watched her.

With every step she took away from the ball, her colour seemed to be restored. James couldn’t rid himself of how dejected she’d looked the other times they’d met. The entire ball. 

Well, not the first time. 

The hope and fire in her eyes when she’d been so close to escaping, it slightly scared him.

How unhappy must she be here, to have need to throw it all away?

And from that fierce fire, she was now accepting this marriage?   
He didn’t understand.

Lily abruptly stopped, bending down to admire a sunflower. 

“A rogue weed.” 

She was barely whispering, and James felt he was intruding on a private conversation. 

She trailed her fingers over the petals, but did not pull it out. Instead, she cast her eyes over the large grounds, that stretched majestically into woods that were many hundred kilometres long.

“I haven’t been out here in so long.” 

The knight was surprised by the informality in her tone, and that she was addressing him. 

He managed to force out a why, eyes staring straight ahead.

Lily shrugged, “Beauty like this is worthless without a person to share it with.”

And then she started to laugh. 

“Gods, that sounded extremely sad.” 

James was astonished at what her laugh did to his senses. 

They continued on their walk, what they’d left behind almost completely forgotten. 

“It’s a quote from my favourite book. Felicity’s-

“Darkness.” 

Both people were shocked at James’ interruption.

Lily turned to her companion, “You’ve read it?”

A silent nod.

“And there was me thinking you were just a knight.”

There was something playful in her smile that told James he need not be offended. He felt the tightness in his chest loosen slightly. 

“I have a friend, your highness.” He found himself saying, “Remus Lupin, he manages the Palace libraries. He is the one who introduced it to me.”

Lily nodded, but James noticed her smile drop. He didn’t understand why, but became fixed on removing whatever negative thought she was having.

“The stables are this way, if you wish to continue the walk.” 

There was no objection from her.

Lily found James pleasant company, when he wasn’t addressing her as ‘Highness’, or walking so formally as if at battle. He proved to love many of the books she did, and her conversation revealed a lot of his life she hadn’t even thought of before.

He was….different to anyone she’d met before.

“Your friend did what?!” 

She was giggling ridiculously too loud for a Princess, but she didn't care. Neither did James, she saw. 

He recounted the memory with a smile. “Sirius Black, your Highness, he had a knack for trouble. One day he barged into our classroom at school wearing nothing but a towel. Claimed he thought it was his dorm.”

 

Lily blushed at the story, shaking her head in disbelief. “He sounds like a lunatic.”

 

James agreed with a laugh, “He is.”

10 minutes of each other’s company, and Lily had never enjoyed herself more.

They reached the stables, and a stable attendant greeted James like an old friend. 

“Your mare is faring well, Sir. I’ll have her saddled for you.” The stableman then noticed Lily, and abruptly sunk into bow so low his nose was a hair’s breadth from the floor.

She almost chuckled at the sight, but kept her composure long enough to talk and dismiss him. “There’s no need for that, sir.”

 

The man’s fearful expression morphed to one of shock at the Princess’ warm tone, and he quickly hurried off.

Lily caught James’ staring at her, and she shared her bewilderment. “He seemed almost scared of me!”

James, suddenly uncomfortable, turned away from her. He approached a horse of milky white, and it exhaled gruffly, recognising him.

Crazily, his first instinct was not to lie. Because of course she was feared, of course servants trembled when she was near. With the cold reputation of her parents, and the stories of her stroppy teenage-hood.

But here, having spent only a few minutes in her company, he found every account of her to be grossly inaccurate. 

As he stroked the horse’s mane, he finally spoke. “I will not lie to you, Princess.” 

He heard, rather than saw, her take a few questioning steps forward. 

“About what? James?”

The silken way in which his name left her mouth, was a sound he found himself wishing he would always hear.

With a deep breath, he said, “Many servants are scared of you.”

There was a beat of deathly silence, as she swallowed this expected, but uneasy truth. Then,

“Are you?” 

Her eyes showed earnest he’d never seen before, those two words meaning things he couldn’t quite comprehend,

Or maybe he was just nervous.

“Your Highness-”

She shook her head as means of interruption. 

“Please,”

The world halted, and the stable was suddenly too small. Even the wind paused it’s pandemonium.

“Call me Lily.”

~~~~

The horse perked, large head seeming to watch the unsuspecting couple. The hand had stopped stroking him, and it exhaled angrily. But the man did not move. 

The horse nudged the man’s hand, which had frozen in the air, but to no avail. Both were silent, and the horse grew tireless. It watched as the woman nervously took a step forward, eyes never leaving the man’s.

The horse watched, it’s mind thinking only of carrots.

She looked about to speak, but had nothing to say. Or did not know what.

The silence had gone on for too long to be plausible, and James tried his best to recover.

All he could think to say was, “Perhaps we should return. They are probably expecting you at the ball.”

Lily said nothing, confused at the sudden change of pace. Had she gone too far?

James returned to his formal posture, ridding his face of any emotion.

“We have strayed too long.” 

The Princess could only nod, and allow James to walk past, so quick, without so much as a glance at her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi people! This chapter is extra long, (and extra emotional) as an apology for not uploading yesterday! I was real busy yesterday, and didn't have the chance, sorry!  
> In this one, we really get a look into who Lily is as a character in the story, her struggles and views of her world! I'm excited, I hope you are too! Plus, we get some cuteness, angry Lily, and just overall Jily in this one! I really hope you enjoy it, and as always, thank you so much for giving this story a chance!

It had been a week. An entire week without word from him.

Lily didn’t even know why she expected the knight to talk to her, but….

Ugh.

She felt stupid. 

Like an absolute idiot, she’d thought they were becoming friends, and now what?

“Call me Lily?”

She groaned at herself, stabbing the leafy vegetables on her plate unnecessarily hard.

So hard that she drew the attention of the people around her, including James and Prince Hadrian, the latter sat to her right at the dinner table. 

Oh, so now James was looking at her? 

Probably laughing at her too. 

With the knight’s eyes still on Lily, an angry rush of emotion -at herself or him she couldn’t decide - boiled through her.

Lily placed a hand on Hadrian’s shoulder. 

“How are you finding the palace?” 

Her smile stretched so far that her cheeks threatened to burst, but it was the only manner of convincing him, and herself, that she was having fun.

Even the way this guy spoke, it screamed charm. He reached for the hand on his shoulder, and brought her fingers to his lips. 

“It was fine before, but I believe this to be the best part of my day.” 

Lily didn’t know whether to laugh or be violently sick. 

She retracted her hand, and slyly wiped it on her dress. 

With a small glance to her left, James seemed to be hiding a smile.

Oh, so he thought this was funny?!

She flicked her hair over her shoulder, giving Hadrian a flattered look. “If it brings you joy, we can spend every day together.”

Lily rested her head on her palm, not breaking eye contact. She didn’t need to turn around to feel the stare of a particular knight. And evilly, she spoke louder just to make sure he heard.

“I should love to get to know you better.”

Hadrian seemed to share the sentiment, though his eyes were never primarily on hers. They seemed to roam….downwards. 

Lily had to withhold her shudder.

When her father rose, and Hadrian was distracted, she let out a disgusted sigh. 

Surprisingly, her father waved James over to the table, and Lily had to quell her blush as they spoke in hushed tones. 

Once the king finished with his instructions, James stepped back to bow, unable but to cast a quick glance in the way of the Princess.

She was watching him too.

And as he walked from the hall, on whatever errand he’d been directed on, Lily felt like shouting. 

Not for him to come back. But not exactly for him to leave. 

She didn’t understand what had just happened, and why she felt overwhelmingly guilty after flirting with Hadrian. If she could even call that flirting.

She wasn’t exactly an expert.

And why did what James feel, or think, affect her so?

Turning back to her discarded food, she resolved to forget the knight.

She had bigger things to worry about. Like how she was going to live the rest of her life with Hadrian for a husband. 

And more near-approaching issues that terrified her to think about.

~~~~

If the two parties of this story could have a say, they would both agree that the week that next ensued, was the very worst week of their lives.

But this was impossible, as neither the knight or the princess spoke at all, most definitely not to each other.

The only form of communication they shared was solemn looks, and occasionally a hateful glance (on lily’s part), whenever they were as unlucky as to pass each other in the hallways.

But never did James sought to understand her sudden cold shoulder, nor did Lily wish to go back on her promise.

It was better this way. 

Their encounters were brief and confusing, and the only way forward was to completely forget each other.

This is what James repeated, like a mantra, for seven days. Nothing however, was powerful enough to remove her soft words from his mind, no matter how much he paced.

“Call me Liy.”

He remembered with feverish embarrassment how he’d quelled up, unsure of what to do. And like an utter idiot, he’d quite literally ran away from her. 

Knight? What kind of knight panicked like that?

Lily only had to speak and he found himself reduced to nothing more than a child. Her powerful gaze, it was beautiful without meaning to be, her words were enchanting without trying to be, and..

“Sir?”

With a start, James focused on a younger knight, fumbling in front of him. 

He remembered the man from training, a scrawny type, but fast reflexes that had earned him a station beside James.

The young knight stood squarely, saluting to show respect.

“Sir, pardon me, but you seemed distracted.”

James just shook his head, too disorientated to be bashful.

“I’m fine. What is it?”

The knight, mortified to think he may have offended his better, nodded eagerly. 

“Of course, s-sorry. The King wishes to know if the protection programme is in place for her Highness’ wedding.”

Beauty like this is worthless without a person to share it with.

When he was with her, he noticed intelligence seeping through the royal wall that she had built, or tried to. That brave facade, he had seen it crack that day. 

Lily had let him see that side of her. 

“Sir?”

No matter how many mantras James thought up, she never left his mind. He almost hated her for it. But he couldn’t bring himself to do that either.

“Yes, tell His Majesty the schedules have been distributed to the guards.” The young Knight saluted abruptly, trying to hide his questioning look as he left. 

James stared at the marble floors, listening for when the guard’s footsteps faded far enough away.

With the silence, came James’ loud groan. 

Slowly, but surely, he was losing his mind. 

The halls echoed once again with footsteps, only these were hurried and the click of heels. 

Definitely not another knight. 

Left with barely anytime to recover, James returned to his formal posture, trying to rein back his professionalism. 

His eyes fell upon the frazzled figure of Lily, who was just then stalking round the corner. Her usually fair face was burned with lines of stress, her green eyes clouded with thoughts. 

She was buried behind stacks of papers so high she didn’t notice the knight at first.

The sheets of notes were already juggled precariously, and when her gaze finally found the man she’d been avoiding for the past week, there was no hope for them.

With a gasp, the sheets flew like snow from her hands, decorating the marble floor.

Seconds of shocked silence passed by, and the nagging in James’ mind was stronger than ever. 

The universe was a fickle thing, teasing at every opportunity it got. 

As if forgetting her wasn’t already hard enough.

Refusing to let her suffocating presence distract him any longer, the Knight bent down to retrieve her papers.

If later asked, James would say that it was this decision, not anything prior, that changed everything.

The stone that rippled the waters. 

With both of their heads focused on the floor and it’s contents, the pair had an excuse not to look at each other. 

For without it, Lily would’ve seen the rouge that attacked James’ complexion, and the nervous frown on his lips.

And without it, James’ would’ve seen the bite that Lily gave her bottom lip, and a similar red colouring her own cheeks.

The two finished the impossibly long task of picking a few papers, and finally faced each other. 

Words failed both, and James marvelled at how his mouth went dry, even though she looked at him with pure frustration.

“Please.”

The man practically choked.

Lily held out a hand expectantly, “Please, may I have my notes?”

 

Oh. 

“Of course.” But when her fingers brushed against his, every single emotion he’d been feeling for a week, sparked through him.

He couldn’t help his next words,

“Lily-”

She froze at the use of her name, hand still poised in front of her. Seconds was all it took for to recover though, and she was frowning.

The knight expected a retribution, but she simply straightened her posture, somewhat mockingly, James thought.

He deserved that.

“I’m late.” 

He’d desperately wanted to hear her talk to him again, but not with the frostiness, the distance she now held.

Lily turned on her heel, angling for her exit when James spoke again.

“Wait, Lily. I beg your attention for just a moment.” 

It wasn’t his words, but his pleading tone that made her stop again. But she didn’t look at him. She didn’t want to relive anything. 

And his damned face was too distracting.

James opened his mouth, but no words came. After a week of longing for her company, now he didn’t know what to say. Or what he wanted.

“I’d like to apologise.” He said finally. “For my….behaviour.”

Lily scoffed at his sad attempt at an apology, her destination forgotten.

“What,” She asked the knight, “behaviour are you discussing? The walk in the gardens, or your strong sense of duty to the kingdom?”

And though Lily tried to inject anger into her voice, the words just sounded defeated.

She turned only her head, eyes reluctant to meet his. She said, with surprising softness,  
“There is nothing to apologise for. I overstepped, and forgot my place. It won’t happen again.”

This wasn’t what he wanted to hear at all.

He was shaking his head, even though she wasn’t looking. “The only thing I regret from that day is walking away.”

Lily had never felt so mystified. She was sure she’d heard those words in a dream.

And James’ face was so earnest when she turned around, displaying more emotion than she’d ever seen from him.

Which, wasn’t saying a lot.

She was shaking her head before fully processing why.

“I’m late.” It was more to herself than him, her feet taking slow steps backwards.

This was wrong. She knew that.

“I’m late.” 

So why didn’t she feel it?

His face fell as she retreated, and already mortification was brewing beneath. Nothing he could say would make her stay.

“I need to go.” She managed to say louder, “There’s a council meeting.” And she brandished her papers as if to confirm.

“Doesn’t your husband take your place in court?” 

Unbelievably, Lily changed course, walking with alarming ferocity towards him. In breaths, her face was so close to his it was as if she was going to-

“He is not my husband.”

Her hot breath mingled in the space between them, washing and merging with his, and the fierce words reverberated around them. 

Harsh and powerful.

Yet, James longed to say. Despite her defiance, Lily was destined be someone else’s wife.

A bitter taste filled his mouth, spreading to his chest.

Her nearness, however, was enough to paralyze him, and all he could do was stare, unblinkingly, at the angry fire of green staring back.

Just as fast as she’d approached, the princess turned, and was gone, never looking back.

Fading away down the hall, leaving James with the same emptiness he’d left her.

~~~~

She couldn’t think about it. Not now. 

The papers in her hand were the most important thing right now. 

Lily glanced over her notes once more, nervously indulging her habit of checking for non-existent mistakes. 

For months now, she’d been waiting for this day. The day the court would rule upon the poverty schemes in the eastern part of the kingdom.

So she couldn’t think of James. Instead, she thought of the change she was trying to make.

It had been a rare day, almost an age ago, in which Lily was allowed to leave the palace for something other than business. Any place she wanted, her parents had told her.

So, of course, Lily picked the towns no-one ever talked about. Out of pure curiosity, that was all.

The images, the things she saw, never, ever left her.

The streets felt rough beneath her heels, unlike the ground of higher levels in the kingdom. Descending her carriage, dozens of guards swarmed her, but they couldn’t protect her from the sights.

Desolate had been birthed there. Sadness eminated from every smashed window, every doorless house. 

The rows of houses zigzagged throughout rogue patches of fields, burned and dead. Deathly silence followed her as she took steps down the streets.

People slowly emerged from their hiding places, watching Lily with blank stares. Every face was the same, sunken cheeks, hollow eyes. 

Among the crowd was a mother, holding in her arms a child, who couldn’t have been older than a couple of weeks.

The child rested in its mother's hold, expression blissfully unaware. Unaware that she’d grow up to have the same blank stare as her mother.

Beyond hunger, beyond sickness, just….gone.

Just remembering filled her bones with cold dread, a sickness of having done nothing. For so long, she’d swum in riches for what?

For others to barely live?

Lily knew why no-one at court talked of them. Of that place, and areas like it. 

The silent sufferers, she had titled them in her notes.

But ignoring them was not enough. This, Lily understood better than anyone. And although she felt practically useless, the council would not escape from this reality. 

And that child would not slip into nothingness.

At the rumbles of male voices, Lily stopped. Finally attending a council meeting where she had something to say?

Her father was probably going to kill her. Or maybe he’d just laugh. 

Lily didn’t know which was worse.

But she didn’t give herself time to back out, simply swallowing her nerves and pushing open the door.

The hubbub died down, and it seemed like the crowd had been waiting for her.

The courtroom was the simplest of rooms, large in size, with it’s main possession being a long, round table. Lined around the table’s edges were 20, long-backed chairs made of iron, where sat were her father’s main council. 

And at the head of the table, in all its glory, stood the decorated throne of the head of court, which is where her father then sat. 

Their relationship was straightforward, nothing much to say to each other but of formalities, or a dozen lectures on duty, and the often nod of the head. 

Father sounded wrong. He really was just her King.

Never mean-spirited, but strict, and dedicated to creating the best princess of her he could. 

Which is why she was allowed to attend court. Her mother never did, but her father wanted to give her a taste of duty. 

A duty that would only be snatched away by, ironically, by the one who sat to the left of his majesty.

Hadrian.

He sat, she noticed, where she would’ve, deep in conversation with the King and a minister. And they were actually listening to the Prince.

What she was about to do was starting to feel sickening. 

Lily sat down, without barely a glance from the congregation, and was only rewarded with a nod of acknowledgement from her father.

The Prince, however, made it a point to look up when she sat next to him, and flash his perfect teeth in a smile. A smile that only served to make her wish she’d sat somewhere else.

“He is not my husband!”

She didn’t need this right now. Couldn’t, and wouldn’t think of him.

And with this mentality, Lily managed to carry herself through almost half of the meeting. The seconds dragged as man after man rose, presenting concerns and bills to their monarch. And with ease, their ideas were heard and respected, negotiated, compromised.

With ease these men spoke their mind.

As she herself rose, Lily hoped no-one could see her nerves through her shaking hands.

The scenery of that day rushed through her mind, seeming to give her strength as she faced everyone’s gaping faces. They looked at her like she’d grown three heads, but Lily just embraced it. Her embarrassment was nothing compared to other sufferings.

She could do this.

“I’d like to bring the council’s attention to a matter of severe urgency.”

Surprisingly, her syllables didn’t tremble.

The silence that engulfed the room was almost painful. Every person in that room remained speechless.

“Princess, what are you doing?” 

Maybe not everyone.

She kept her eyes on her papers as she replied. “I’m serving my kingdom.”

 

Her father’s attention was successfully captured. 

Lily dared to look up, embracing the shocked focus she was receiving. Perhaps this way they’d listen.  
“Quite some time ago, I had the great luck…. and misfortune of visiting the darkness of our kingdom. A darkness that has been hid for too long.”

 

Her notes, her mind and the facts were all present, but they didn’t dare speak. No, her heart took the reins, speaking for her.

“I may have once been a child, but the same excuse does not befall the rest of this party. For what I saw that day cannot be subjected to a blind eye. None of who have seen it, can ignore it with good heart.”

Blank faces. 

“The towns and villages of the east, are diseased with poverty. Our people, they’re dying down there. Or most, living a life worse than it.”

“You cannot discuss matters you do not understand, child.”

Her father’s voice was void of any emotion, his usual dismissive rumble. They weren’t understanding.

“But I do! I’ve seen it for myself, father! I have analysed our resources through and through history, and not once in time have we lifted a finger to help them! And yet, they remain loyal?”

“You do not have the authority to criticize this council.”

The sick feeling was rising in her chest, helplessness spreading down through her bones. 

They didn’t understand. A few of the party threw looks at each other, as if to share their amusement and disdain.

Lily straightened, now facing her father. He watched her, features impenetrable. He was looking for something in her eyes, but Lily only projected anger.

“Loyalty is to be earned, father! It is our job to protect and care for our subjects! To help those in need, and to serve!”

Her voice had risen, now holding a hint of hysteria. Her words just seemed to wash over them all, and a glance at Hadrian told her he didn’t care in the slightest.

She was just a girl, who’d stepped out of line, and made a fool of herself.

A bitter laugh left her mouth, filling the crushing silence. 

“You,” Her words were as strong as bullets, “instilled that word into me, ever since I could walk and talk. Serve. It was all you did for me.”

Not strong enough to make any difference.

“I never had you down for hypocrisy, your Majesty.”

And with these final, biting words, she curtsied, leaving the room as fast as was dignified. 

2 hours

The amount of time it took for her father to find her. 

It was inevitable, she knew, but that didn’t make the lecture she was about to endure any easier.

Now summoned back to the courtroom, her father’s throne towered over where she stood.

Her father’s laments began with “making a fool of herself”, to “speaking uneducated”, and ending with indignation with “forgetting her place”.

His voice however, never rose, never betrayed emotion. 

Despite this, Lily could sense the slight disappointment, as he recounted his disbelief that she would mock him, in front of the court.

“You had no permission to speak, child. Acting without authority only casts you in ridicule. I did not expect such behaviour from yourself.”

The words were stretching and melting into each other, she’d heard them a million times before. 

Lily understood, she was a disappointment, an improper lady, powerless when it came to actually doing anything.

She felt so stupid for trying.

For trying to help with the kingdom, for trying with James. Failure just clung to her.

When her father finally rose from his seat, all she wanted to do was collapse into bed, and hide for an eternity. 

The king did not make his exit straightaway, instead his emerald eyes looked deep into her own, that same searching gaze in them. 

After what felt like ages, Lily couldn’t bear the pressure anymore, curtsying quickly to avoid it.

He didn’t find what he was looking for, it seemed, and left the room without a word.

And with him, every last piece of strength, of resolve the Princess still held, drained from her heart, and she sank onto the nearest chair.

With each shaky exhale, fresh tears fell from her eyes. Hot and painful, Lily didn’t even try to wipe them away. No use hiding what she was anymore.

Weak, and selfish. 

Guilt joined the tumult of emotions in her chest, and she bit her lip to stop a sob. Guilt, because she hadn’t just been doing this for the child, or those who needed her help.

It had been for her too. An attempt to prove herself, to dispel her worst fears.

That she really was destined to be nothing.

And yet her tries to speak out, be a part of the kingdom she was supposed to love so much, were only met with ridicule and burning shame. 

Weak.

Selfish.

“Weak.” 

The word rose from her tear-drenched lips, and it sounded so real. She longed to escape, not only from her life, but from her very body and soul, as her crushing fear, a fear she’d carried for years, was realised. 

All of those lessons, lectures, speeches, they’d all come to a halt. Her entire childhood, she’d been nurtured and groomed to be nothing.

“You’re not.” 

Lily gasped, swallowing her cries in shock. 

A familiar pair of doe brown eyes was staring at her, his face a mixture of anger and worry. But the anger wasn’t directed at her, she noticed.

“You’re the complete opposite.”

Lily just sniffed, too tired to argue, or tell James to leave. She was too tired to be remember why she was irritated with him. 

Instead, she welcomed the warmth his presence brought, and wiped a few stray tears from her cheek.

“How’d you know I was here?”

The knight took the question as consent to step closer. “I overheard some ministers talking.” After a beat of silence, he added, “Pointy-headed bastards.”

Lily allowed her first real laugh in days, though it was still filled with melancholy.

“I was so stupid, James.” Every word she uttered sounded like she was falling.

“For what?” He was now close enough to touch her. “For trying?”

Lily shook her head, locks of burning red falling from their tight bun.

“For believing I could in the first place.”

 

She didn’t see what he saw, when he looked at her. Lily didn’t see just how strong she was. And she wouldn’t even if he told her a thousand times. 

Her hand was soft and small, enveloped in his.

“I believe in you. Does that make me stupid?”

She found his eyes from where kneeled in front of her, and saw complete sincerity within them.

His simple touch lifted her heart, and her fingers weaved with his. Yearning for more.

Nothing else was real. No-one else.

That moment, Lly was no longer falling, and but flying, the ground and it’s troubles were a million miles away.

“James.” 

It was the only word that made sense right then

Slowly, as if in haste this dream would shatter, he brought her fingers to his lips. 

Not a manner of courtesy, or regulation. There was no formality in the way he kissed her fingers. 

Her entire arm was lost to sparks and fireworks, but she did not pull away. Instead, she wished to pull him closer, and for her entire body to feel as light as her arm.

The voice in her head held no power, despite it’s screaming for her to run. Lily could only stare into the endless wave of brown that were James’ eyes.

Beautiful.

What seemed like a lifetime in his company was revealed to only be a few seconds, quickly interrupted by James leaping upwards, just before a guard rushed into the room, beckoning him away without a second look at the princess.

The spell was broken, and James was gone.

The only thing left, was the slight tingling of her fingers, reminding Lily of how he made her feel. 

She didn’t have the emotional capacity to feel sad that he’d left, or angry at herself for what she’d done.

All had been swallowed by James.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowee! The response from last chapter was just incredibly emotional and motivated me to get this one out! Like Chapter 5, this one is one hell of a ride! Things have really started to heat up aha, so I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint! I will appreciate you readers always and forever, I love you!

Though neither had the courage to speak about what happened, the next few days were spent dreaming about the other.

Even her father’s constant looks of disapproval, and her mother’s excited wedding preparations could not dampen Lily’s mood. For he was always there, and so the others didn’t matter.

During dinners, he stood by the doors, and to the rest he may have looked passive, but Lily never missed the looks he sent her. 

Through hallways, he was there, sending small smiles as she passed. It was exhilarating, sharing this secret joy with someone else, not caring for anyone’s approval but each others. 

That day in the courtroom, those feelings, were theirs, and no-one could take it from them. Their secret.

She could look at him forever. 

But reality never missed a chance to mess with her.

The Prince’s attachment to her seemed to be getting worse with every passing second. And with each day she grew closer to James, her disgust at Hadrian’s charming, yet hollow conversation, and the lack of passion behind his eyes, grew too. 

So when, on the sixth day after her courtroom meeting, Hadrian sent for her through a servant, Lily could only feel dread in her stomach.

His chambers, luckily, were on the other side of the castle, so she had time to gather up her nerves and strength before she entered. 

Hadrian was sprawled lazily on a chair, a book open but unread on his desk. At her arrival and curtsy, the usual slow grin spread out on his face.

She was going to need more strength than anticipated.

“Princess! Or, if I may, darling.”

You may not.

“I couldn’t bear to be away from your beauty any longer.”

Ugh, his silky voice was almost slimy, turning his words to sludge that gave Lily the very strong urge to bathe.

She forced the smile on her face, however. “Your highness, you’re too kind.”

Hadrian’s smirk grew, satisfied with her answer. “No need for such formalities, Lily. Call me anything you’d like.”

His voice was suggestive, but the only nickname Lily could think of was slug.

She decided not to reply.

“Was there a specific reason to your summonings, your highness?”

The Prince laughed, rising from his chair with the grace of swan, and moving towards her. 

“So you’re a tease? No matter, I prefer a woman who keeps me on my feet.”

 

If he wasn’t a prince, Lily would’ve slapped him. 

When she didn’t answer, he shook his head, but even that movement was flirtatious somehow. 

“I just wanted to get acquainted. I mean, we are going to be spending the rest of our lives together.”

Rest of-  
Lily didn’t allow herself to finish, the thought too horrifying. 

Forever, with this guy? 

“I-I’m sorry,”

She needed an excuse, anything to get her out of that room. One that had seemed so large upon entering, now as small as a cell.

“I’m actually supposed to meet my mother for…”

 

But her sentence trailed away as Hadrian was suddenly too close, warm breath hitting her lips. Slowly, his lips found her ear, whispering alluring words to her.

“I’m sure no-one will notice if you’re gone for a couple minutes.”

 

Creep.

The words that were supposed to seduce slid down her back, and there was no power to withhold her shudder. Lily stepped back, fear shaking into her words,

“No, I’m pretty sure it’s important. I must go now.”

 

His eyes were dark, all trace of charm erased from their blue. They traced her face, marking their prey.

“Soon, we will be able to do as we please.” He laughed at her bemused expression, reaching out to cup her cheek. “You’ll be my wife, darling.”

He gave Lily one last chance to beg him to stay, but seeing as she’d much rather kiss a pig than remain in his company any longer, this didn’t happen, so he withdrew from the room.

Hadrian left behind such a powerfully acrid flavour in the Princess’ mouth, that she raced towards the nearest window, throwing it open in desperate need of air.

She greedily inhaled the cold morning wind, only stopping when her stomach had ended it’s lurching, and her head ceased it’s spinning.

That man? How did everyone love him so much? 

Ever since she was little she’d known of him, how every girl in the kingdom wanted him, every boy wanted to be him. 

Maybe another woman in her place would’ve swooned at his attention. But all Lily knew for sure was she wished to scrub her face a million times to remove his touch.

The wind grew in ferocity, blearing her eyes and whipping the tiara from her hair.

The diamond ornament blew from her head, dancing in the air and before Lily could grab at it, flying to the ground below. Far, far below.

A man noticed it just before his feet hit the floor, and bent down to retrieve the crown.

He recognised it, and even from so high up, Lily recognised him.

It was an excuse, she realised as she hastened from the room, an excuse to go see him. 

The wind had given her time to speak to the only person she really wanted to.

The man in the stables waited, perplexed, and Lily ran to him.

She was blinded by pure excitement, never slowing down, only shouting her apologies and excuse me’s to people as she barrelled down staircases.

She followed the regular path down the weaving gardens that would take her to the stables. 

Hardly reaching the stables however, she was slammed to a halt by a hard wall.

Or chest. 

Lily blinked, retreating a few steps to fully appreciate the sight. 

It was no doubt that the man she’d bumped into was James. But he looked so...different. 

So real.

His uniform was nowhere to be seen; he dorned a thin, white, cotton shirt, that was covered in mud. His trousers were loose and faded, his hair unruly from beatings of wind.

Impossibly, he was more beautiful than ever.

Eyes lit with surprise, and cheeks slightly burnt from his stable chores, James quickly bowed.

“Your highness, I was just on my way to return this to you.”

She began to question his formal behaviour, when his eyes darted to the left. A group of people, dressed in stablemen attire, were watching the scene with growing curiosity. 

She nodded her head in reply, taking the tiara from James. “Right, yes. Thank you.”

Both had to try hard not to react when their fingers touched.

“What are you doing right now?”

The knight’s eyebrows rose in confusion, but he kept a neutral voice as he replied. “Cleaning my mare, your highness. I enjoy the horses’ company off duty.”

He was smiling, she could see it behind his proper tone. A smile that seemed only reserved for her.

After no deliberation, Lily placed her tiara on a nearby workbench.

“Then I shall join you. I’ve never been graced with the company of a horse.”

She ignored James’ gobsmacked expression, and shrugged off the servants loud gasps as she stepped forward.

“But, it’s dirty.”

It was the only thing James could think of.

Lily simply laughed, lifting the skirts of her dress. She was being completely risky, bordering on insanity, all in front of potential witnesses. But for once, she didn’t give a damn.

“What’s a little dirt to scare me?”

The challenge in her tone was nothing more than a lilt, but James wasn’t one to back down.

With an arm, he led her to the stable of a horse, the same snowy white creature they’d met before.

Not waiting for an introduction, or instruction, Lily pushed open the picket fence eagerly, wrinkling her nose at the smell.

The horse was large, at ease in it’s home. Lily took care in approaching it, taking soft footsteps towards it.

She reached close enough to whisper, “Well, you certainly are in need of a wash, aren’t you?”

Lily lifted her hands to stroke the animal, but her fingers were suddenly preoccupied.

“Not there.” James tall figure was behind her, so close she could feel the material of his shirt on her back.

He directed her hand to the horse’s mane, “She prefers it here.” 

His voice was soft, and he talked of the animal like a dear friend. 

“Do you,” She forced the words into the tender silence, “spend much time with animals?”

She felt, rather than saw his nod, “Better than humans, sometimes. And though I spend a lot of time with Casper, I’ve always liked the look of a stag.”

Casper.

With a quick check of her surroundings, and a clear of her throat, Lily turned around to meet the eyes she admired so much.

“I find the doe quite pretty. I saw them in a book once.”

For once, he didn’t shy away from their close manner. Trying his best to hide the pleasure of her company, he said.

“Why be so reckless as to come now, in front of so many people?”

Without breaking eye contact, she replied with, “If you must know, I was escaping the company of a different kind of beast.”

Lily hadn’t meant for her words to come out so ardently, but memories of Hadrian had that effect on her. 

She watched as James’ expression tightened, his eyes searching her face. 

“Did he touch you?” He asked in clipped words. 

She could sense the restraint in his low voice, saw a little of why he’d been made head of his regiment. 

For Hadrian’s safety, she chose to lie. “No. It’s fine.”

Lily took the bucket of water from his right hand. 

She glanced down at the sloshing water, aware of how out of place she probably looked. “If I’m being honest, I’ve never actually washed a horse before.”

This startled a laugh from the serious knight. “It's not that hard.”

In one familiar movement, he’d retrieved the bucket, throwing water over the animal's back. 

Quickly stepping away, he handed her an oddly bristled scrub, amd James got to work, determined to act as though everything was normal. 

And he wasn’t in the stables with the Princess. 

“How's...everything?” 

Too nonchalant, he realised from Lily’s muffled snort. 

She also turned her attention to the horse.

“Oh, just peachy. My dad’s this close to disowning me, and my mother is more excited about the…”

She couldn't bring herself to finish that sentence. 

James moved to the other side of the calm horse, so he was facing her.

“I'm sure your dad-” He cleared his throat, “-His Majesty, just wants what's best for you.” 

Lily scoffed, squeezing her sponge until soap oozed down her fingers. “I wonder why he doesn’t just ask me.”  
Crazy, the rational part of her hissed, a princess bathing a horse? With a knight?

Lily did not know why she was telling him all of this, burderning him with thoughts she’d never really shared, ever. But she didn’t feel guilty, nor did she make any attempt at an exit.

The soap she’d released trickled, white and foamy, until it touched the skirts of her dress. The blue satin was already wrinkled; it had no place in the stables.

She felt ridiculous in it, compared to James’ casual attire. The loss of uniform gave him such a normal, human spirit. 

Lily decided she prefered this side of him.

The lively winds only brought more gold to his doe eyes, his carefully chiselled features concentrated on the animal.

A dollop of soap flicked at her nose, and her thoughts were forgotten. 

James continued to scrub the horse, a hint of a smile the only indication he was the culprit. 

“You were slacking.” 

The soap dripped down her nose, landing on her bottom lip. 

“You dare to attack your princess in such a way?” 

The knight shrugged, “You’ll heal.” 

His smile grew wider still. And though the day was nearing its end, his glow replaced the sun perfectly.

Too focused on looking at anything but Lily, James didn’t notice her douse her sponge with water.

With hurried steps Lily managed to reach his side of the horse, and squeezed a drenching amount of water over his unsuspecting head. 

The water ran down his back, quickly darkening his locks of brown hair so they lay flat and damp over his forehead.

Lily was in fast tears at his surprised expression, his lips miles away from each other. She was laughing so bad she had to clutch her ribs to stop them from falling apart.

“Maybe,” She giggled, “That will teach you a lesson.”

James attempted to give her a dry look, shaking droplets into her face. “That was too far, Lil.”

All laughter ceased.

Lily’s eyes were wide, clouded by either shock or curiosity, James couldn’t decide.

“Lil?” 

Rays of sun broke out over her face, “I love it.”

Few words passed between them for a few minutes following, but Lily didn’t try to maintain a respectful distance. Instead, she had to force herself not to stand closer to James, physically tearing her eyes from his face.

There was no questioning that something was very, very wrong with her.

Or something was very right.

She watched, more than helped the knight clean his mare, admiring him in all his casual glory. 

What was she doing? What was she feeling?

Everytime they met, it was like their first time.

Because every time she saw James, a new layer of him was revealed, each one as surprising and appealing as the last. And she wanted, no, needed, to discover more of him. 

Read every line of his face, fall into those eyes that looked at her with so much understanding. 

No-one made her laugh like him. No-one really made her laugh.

So maybe she was just lonely, and James felt pity for her. Did she even mind?

All of those thoughts should’ve scared her, but Lily felt nothing but pure exhilaration as she reached out, tentatively lacing her fingers with his.

Just as before, jolts and sparks enveloped her arm, and she wondered if he felt it too.

His taken-aback expression, and red cheeks were more than a give away.  
The sponge and horse and servants, and even Hadrian were all a distant memory; all the pair were aware of, was each other. 

James looked in her eyes, finding in them that familiar, determined flame. The same flame she’d held while trying to escape the palace.

The princess was a dangerous, emerald fire. 

And James wanted to blaze in her flames.

A clarity was shared in their eyes as their bodies moved as one, closer and closer. They wanted this, whatever it was. To feed the storm they shared.

Her every bone, her every nerve, sang for him.

“Lily.” 

His voice was nothing less than a husky mess.

This new burning feeling she recognised as desire. She had never wanted anything more. Everything in her life seemed pointless, worthless compared to that feeling. 

Compared to him.

Their lips were whispers away, the comets so close to colliding. One more second, and everything would implode. 

“Ladies and gentleman, what a moment.”

A knife sliced through the world, and Hadrian was the one to welcome the pair back to reality.

Any shock he may have felt was covered expertly by a devious smile. 

“So this is what’s been distracting you, Princess.” 

He gave James a look deserving of an animal.

“Well, we can’t have that.”

 

Lily left James’ side like a shot, every centimetre between them a dagger in her heart. Not out of embarrassment, or shame. No, she moved for fear.

“Hadrian-”

“The king must be alerted straightaway.”  
Those icy blue eyes fixed on her, amused by her pleading tone. Every previous charming notion was gone from him, his entire body leering in a darkness she’d yet to see from him. 

He was enjoying this way too much. 

Scumbag.

“I can explain.”

The Prince lifted his eyebrows, challenging her to. What would she even say?

She didn’t risk looking at James.

The knight had his eyes fixed on the crown prince, and all he could see was pure evil. 

This man, who would soon rule the kingdom, now had the power to destroy both of their lives. And James had no doubt that he would. 

And he was helpless to stop it. The sudden pit of fear in his stomach was endless.

When he braved a look at Lily, she was moving with surprising calm. “I’ll do what you want. I’ll marry you, and you’ll become king.”

“What?” His mortified words couldn’t be repressed. Even Hadrian looked surprised.

What was Lily doing?

She ignored James, hiding her flinch, and continued. “I’ll do anything, just please, don’t tell my father.”

 

Lily understood better than anyone what her father would do to James if he ever found out. She couldn’t let his life be ruined.

Maybe James’ wouldn’t understand now, but she’d find him, and she’d explain. All that mattered in that moment was that Hadrian kept his mouth shut.

After a moment’s painful contemplation, Hadrian clucked his tongue. “Falling for a stableboy, Lily? I expected better from you.”

 

Lily kept her eyes cast down, not trusting her eyes. 

“I’ll keep your dirty secret.”

Hadrian smiled, his pearly white teeth suddenly menacing. He’d gone from charming prince, to predator, to completely evil. 

The Prince shrugged, turning to leave, like being in such a lowly place as the stables for so long gave him a rash. He threw the place one last look of disgust, and scoffed.

“I mean, what’s a marriage without a few torrid affairs?”

The silence Hadrian left behind him was excruciating. 

Everything, the stars, the fire, it was all dead. And the reality of their situation mocked them. 

Lily had let herself dream, and had only spawned a nightmare.

What else had she expected?

“Lil?” 

He longed to touch her, wrap her in his arms. 

She shook her head, still not allowing herself to see him. “I’m so sorry.”

And just like Hadrian, she left, leaving James with a burnt out heart.

Just as he noticed how much he needed her, he’d lost her.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The difference between life, and truly living, is love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm an idiot. It's been a week since I last uploaded I think, and I'm so sorry! I just got caught up in life, but I'm back with an emotional as heck chapter that I really hope you enjoy!   
> All the love to everyone who has continued to support this lil baby idea of mine, you people are the frickin best!

Days shifted into more, multiplying and multiplying until enough had passed that Lily couldn’t even remember what day it was.

But she never, ever forgot the stables. Her heart wouldn’t let her, often filling her nights with painful dreams. 

It didn’t help, because as long as Hadrian watched, as he often did these days, she couldn’t see James.

Which was why she had needed to wait until today. 

The King and Crown Prince were scheduled for a hunting fest, another kingdom tradition for father and soon-to-be son to enjoy together.

She finished tying her hair back, eyeing her reflection with distaste. She could only hope she had strength to see the knight today and not run into his arms.

Because today was the day she severed all ties.

Her sunken eyes blinked at her, a shining blue swimming with the green. 

One stupid moment in the barn, one mistake, and now something she didn’t know she had, was taken from her.

She didn’t regret it. The only thing she regretted was getting caught.

Lily heaved a sigh that did nothing to rid the despair from her bones.

She found James where she’d been avoiding going for the past week or so. That abandoned corridor she’d passed on the way to her disastrous council meeting. 

Ironic, that she’d also lose him here.

The knight’s face was unreadable as she approached, even though they were alone. The uniform, and the officiality, was back.

So his question, when she finally halted a respectable distance in front of him, was surprising to say the least. 

“Are we just going to pretend it doesn’t exist?”

Everything she’d planned to say to him ran away with her senses. Lily cleared her throat, begging whatever God that she could keep her strength.

“What, exactly, is it?”

 

Like no time had passed at all.

James creased his eyebrows, imploring that she knew exactly what he was talking about.

She was already shaking her head, shaking the implied thoughts from her mind.

“Only a fool could call this love.”

 

Harsh, final, severe. That’s what she’d originally wanted to be. As painless and clean as possible.   
Using James silence, she began her descent into sadness. “I am promised to someone, James.” 

He’d heal. 

He’d forget, and find another. 

“We, ‘it’, whatever you want to call it. It’s impossible.”

 

“I’m not stupid,” His interruption was grave, his voice shaking with barely held-back emotion. “I see what you’re doing. None of this un-feeling rubbish. It’s just an excuse to protect me.”

He was smarter than she gave him credit for. Still, the tears welled up, and the words kept coming.

“You’d be killed if people found out.”

James shrugged, a recklessness and restlessness that didn’t match his uniform.

“And we’d always be apart if they didn’t.”

James knew which one was worse. Seeing her, wrapped in the arms of another, Hadrian of all people… He ground his teeth together to block the emotion from overcoming him.

Lily didn’t understand. He couldn’t walk away.

“I would never let myself be the reason for your pain, James.”

 

James didn’t understand. She couldn’t stay.

Despite this, despite the world conspiring against them, the knight took a step towards the princess. He desperately searched her tear-filled eyes, for some sort of answer to their hopeless love.

“I’d endure anything to be yours.” 

It wasn’t right.

Absurdly, she laughed. A short, pained sound. “The world does not wish us to be together. It hates us.”

 

He brought a warm hand to his emerald fire, and caressed her cheek. His heart. “Then I shall fight the world.”

There was such power, such conviction behind his words that Lily almost believed him. But with a wrenching pain, she stepped back.

“And then what?”

Hopeless, hopeless love.

She’d done what she needed to do, and didn’t dare look back at the knight. She was sure his pleading eyes would shatter what was left of her soul.

Soulmates. A term she’d read countlessly in her books.

Now Lily knew for certain they existed. 

But this did not shake her belief that happy endings simply did not exist in the real world.   
Every step she took down the corridor, drained her every muscle. 

Her heart belonged to James Potter, but she belonged to Hadrian. 

~~~~~

A hand grasping hers woke Lily from her daydream.

She’d been thinking of him again, she realised with a blush, her forgotten food cold on her plate. She wasn’t hungry anyway. She wasn’t much anything these days.

Her heart felt worn, exhausted with the turmoil of feeling. 

Her mother had commented, once- when she’d come to her rooms for a fitting -that her face was paler, and her eyes were sunken, in a careless tone only the Queen could achieve.

Lily guessed it must be true, as she hardly slept for fear of dreaming of James. But she simply did not care enough to check her reflection in the mirror.

Now, in the Dining Hall, she was jolted back to reality by Hadrian’s soft fingers encasing hers.

“Go with it.” He muttered under his breath, appearing cheerful to anyone who looked at them.

Lily wanted to tear the skin he was touching, but she did not pull away. Instead she forced her own smile, swallowing her nausea. 

Hadrian’s sun-like locks were all glossed down perfectly, sitting neatly under his crown. The shimmering blue of his eyes matched perfectly with his outfit, which held not a crease.

He really looked...like royalty. Every bit the flawless prince. And soon to be king. 

Evil in the cover of pure sunlight. 

Lily found James in the crowd, unable to block out his presence any longer. Though many nobles crowded the floor below, Lily acknowledged nothing but him. 

The knight was stood formally and alert, eyes burning holes into the wall opposite. No emotion on that beautiful face, not even a flicker of a look to her.

A part of her was glad he was ignoring her. But a small, dangerous part of her wished to tear Hadrian from her, and run to him. Grab him, and keep running, until everything and everyone she knew was out of sight.

“Do you miss him?” 

Hadrian was blinking at her, face innocently interested. But his words, they held a mocking ring only she could hear.

Lily fought with a thousand satisfying responses, instead spitting out a “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Before turning away.

Nobles looked up at them, marvelling at the young royals, so evidently in love, soon to be married.

Lily slowly extracted her hand from his hold, making a show of grabbing her fork. Hadrian took this play in his stride however, instead stretching an arm around her shoulders.

His scent was smothering, suffocatingly clean and fresh. She was going to punch him.

From her view, she could see when James shifted in his position slightly. His eyes were still trained forwards, but his jaw tightened to hide clenched teeth.

Whatever small amount of resilience her heart still maintained could in no way bear this. 

Being in the same room with the man she was fated to be with, and the man she dreamed to hold forever, was too much.

Lily felt pathetic, as she abruptly stood, and spluttered an excuse from the table.

Her mind told her that she had not loved James long enough to feel so helpless, but her heart did not remember a time it hadn’t beat for the knight.

James had been a small respite from the real world, and she hated herself for believing in his perfection. 

The truth?

She’d failed her father, the child and her entire town, and her kingdom. 

She’d forgotten her place.

“Every child is born into a life, and this is the life they are destined to lead.”

Lily scaled staircases, angrily wiping away hot tears.

“You are blessed, Lily, that the life you were chosen for is one of the royals.”

Thankfully, no servants were in her room, Lily collapsing onto her bed. 

“You serve your people, and your people serve you.”

Her blessing was a trap. A cage.

Hastily trying to distract herself, and the slowly gaping hole in her chest, Lily reached over to night table, hoping for a book.

Instead, her fingers found several sheets of notes. Her handwriting. 

She brought them closer, though she already knew what they were. Her excited cursive betrayed hope, and Lily scoffed through tears. Before, she’d actually believed she could take control. 

Control how things were run, whom she married, control her life.

The abyss stole her heart, and grew deeper, and not only for James. He wasn’t the only reason she wept that night. But he was the sole reason she dreamt.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The difference between life, and truly living, is love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life has taken over, and my free time is scarce, but I'm so glad that I'm able to get this major chapter out for you lovelies!  
> I love all of you, and I hope you enjoy it!!!

Many a day wore on, the new just as long and dismal as the last. It seemed to be the same cycle for Lily’s dreary narrative.

She found happiness, only for it to taken away, and then she found it once more.

But this time, she knew, there could be no finding it again. Not if she wanted to keep James safe.

Sometime over the weeks that passed, James had disappeared from his dinner hall duty, replaced by a younger, fresh-faced knight. 

Lily wished that the words, out of sight, out of mind, could be applied to this. But her mind seemed to find pleasure in mocking her with a constant replay of her brief time with James.

And with every day, her bones grew heavier with the despair they carried. If she didn’t have the power to do anything, then why bother with her ability to feel?

So she blocked out the thoughts, the pain. and with them, her very own soul.

Nothing was colourful, or worth smiling for, and she greeted everything thrown at her the same.

Fittings, lessons, Hadrian, wedding preparations. All acknowledged with the same unfeeling acceptance.

Fighting would only cause failure. Feeling would only cause pain. So she fell into the gaping hole, and allowed time to sift away from her. 

In the haze of days, she recalled her mother telling her about the wedding, and guessed that it was only a week to go. 

She’d already tried on the white dress, but the memory was blurry, the voices all distorted and odd. 

She only remembered a specific day, as it had consisted of a rare visit from her father.

Well, more a quick address than a visit, per say. He’d only hovered for a few minutes, his words few.   
“You are doing what needs to be done.” 

She’d held her chin up, staring back into his icy blue eyes. Determined to show a strength she didn’t really have. No-one, especially her father, would see her cry.

But, the King’s eyes showed no anger, or happiness. Instead, Lily saw the same searching look she’d seen at the council meeting. Like he was curious. Or maybe he was expecting her to fight back, rebel like she’d done then. 

No.

Lily would not embarrass herself any longer.

The days were confined to her bedroom as much as possible, so Lily never escaped the suffocating silence that accompanied it. She welcomed it, liked it even, better than the sound of her sobs.

This day, her notes now discarded in the bin, Lily was facing the high ceiling as she lay.. 

She exhaled into the quiet. 

Nothing. No-one. 

She’d live her entire life like this.

With nothing, and no-one to care.

A sigh deflated her chest, and she sunk into the sheets-

A sharp knock. 

Another, hurried.

Then one more before she mustered the courage to open the door.

It was him.

Every breath of time, of reality, slipped from the room.

She almost didn’t want it to be true. Because the emotions were rushing back to the surface, ones she’d worked so hard to lock away.

Any words she had went cold on her lips as she surveyed him.

With one hand braced against the doorframe, he panted as if he’d ran there. Sweat glossed his brow, and his face…

It was agonised, as he stared at her. His eyes were filled with tears, threatening to spill over. Lily was distantly aware of her own wet cheeks.

She saw him, his vulnerability, his god-like beauty, his laughter, his smile, and his sadness.

The pain that had engulfed them both.

No-one spoke as he shifted, eyes trained directly on hers. They were asking her a question. In his, he was asking, yearning for permission. In hers, she was saying yes.

Before either mind had caught up, their hearts were intertwined. As were their bodies, limbs and hair a tangled, hurried chaos. 

The feeling of his lips sent tremors of ecstacy down her every fibre, and she pulled James tighter than humanly possible. 

He didn’t pull away, lips unable to stop, as they neared the edge of her bed. 

In heartbeats, his hands were running through her hair, feeling silk and gold. They moved in a frantic rhythm, disbelieving yet desperate for it to never end.

Her fingers worked with his intoxication, travelling over his entire back, enjoying every detail of his carved chest.

But it wasn’t enough, the fire in her core screamed, and she found his buttons.

In a rough movement, the white shirt was discarded on the bed, James pulling her closer as they fell sideways, and together.

Then, he did pull away. 

Only because he missed her eyes, and needed to see what she thought. 

Lily, clouded by a need she’d never felt, only sighed in complaint. 

In a flying moment, their souls joined their intertwined hearts, and they fully became one. The universe smiled upon them, as they smiled at each other.

The smiles came in between the hungry touching, connecting, and loving. 

They loved each other. More than that, they were destined to have that moment, destined to be closer than any two souls had ever been.

As he trailed her neck, James’ lips caught on something cold. 

Silver gleamed on her neck, and, slowly, he took the chain between his fingers. 

“The one I returned.”  
It wasn’t really a question, because he remembered it all too well.

Even though his lips urged to be on hers again, the gap between them almost too much to bear, he wouldn’t move. Because, she remembered it too.

And he’d never noticed it before, but.

“I never took it off.”

Lily was gasping for breath, her nerves screaming in overwhelming delight, as the hole in her chest filled with James.

“I love you.”

Too much to stay away, to pretend he didn’t exist.She loved him too much to throw him away.

When he brought her face to his once more, her lips tasted his tears. 

They were crying, and kissing, sobbing and caressing, laughing and holding one another, until the sun forgot them and the sky turned black.

~~~~~~~

“What’s your name?”

James smelt her before his mind reminded what had happened. His nose buried in the crook of her neck, his arms drooped lazily over her torso.

Yesterday.

It had all been just...yesterday. So why did he feel like he’d been holding her for a lifetime?

Lily shook him slightly, asking his bleary eyes for attention.

“What’s your name?” 

He was squinting at her, his face a rugged mask of exhaustion. But he took one look at her, and his lips turned upwards.

He was smiling, because all he felt was pure bliss. Wrapped in the body of his love. His Lily.

Lily asked her question one last time, punctuating it with a swift kiss. 

“You know my name.” He mumbled into her lips, producing a sigh from her.

“No. Your full name.” 

Now he was curious, tilting his head to meet her eyes properly. “It’s Potter. Why?”

Lily took time to contemplate this question she’d woken up with, stroking the pad of her thumb across the bridges of his nose, tracing every ridge, and dip of his face.

“Potter?”

He nodded.

“I like it.” 

She listened to the rhythm of his breath, moving with hers. Lily was unsure where her body ended and James began, and wondered why the universe had waited so long to gift her with him. 

“I want to know everything about you. Your name, your silly habits, your parents, your friends, everything.”

Lily couldn’t help it- she glanced at the door. Where reality lay, waiting with bated breath, to catch her in it’s jaws, and eat her alive.

And then James, her cloud, her safety. Her love.

“I want all of you.”

She hated how her voice betrayed her, taunting her with her own weaknesses. She was scared of all of this. It frightened her to death that she was in love for the first time, falling with no sense of up or down. And no sign of escape.

James’ hand came to rest atop of hers, his eyes filled with unexpected calm. 

“Lily Evans, you already have me. You’ve owned my heart from the very first day we met.”

She scoffed, eyes rolling though they were filled with ridiculous tears.

“I didn’t know you were such a romantic.”

He laughed, body sighing as it moved closer. “You can talk.”

The jokiness died from her eyes, leaving only a lingering smile. “Maybe we’re just as bad as each other.”

Another glance at the door.

Somehow, despite James filling her heart with everything it had been missing these past 18 years, it felt unbearably….dream-like.

Like, they were just evading the inevitable.

The knight saw this, capturing Lily’s cheek, so she’d look at him.

“There is only one thing, more important than anything, that you need to know about me, Lil.”

“I love you. I love every breath you take, I love your smile, your frown, every curve and crevice of you. And my love will live forever, even when I’m gone.”

Lily was crying through her smile, “You idiot, that’s like the fifth time you’ve made me cry.”

But then she pressed her lips feverently against his, soaking the sunlight from him.

“I wish I’d let you escape that day. That I hadn’t been blind to how much you hated it here.”

Lily was already shaking her head, trailing her lips down to his chest, and resting there.

“If that’s you trying to apologise, don’t. You can never do wrong in my eyes.”

His heart was beating like a drum beneath her ear, a fast, thrilled thrum of noise.

“Really?”

Lily smiled against his chest, “Actually…”

Memories of that second meeting, when he’d given back the necklace came to mind. 

“No job is too lowly, if I am demanded of it.” She lowered her voice, mocking his formal tone. 

James just chuckled against her hair, and she could feel his bright smile. “Oh, that was bad. I sound nothing like that Evans.”

“Oh, I’m pretty sure you do, Potter.”

A fight he was never going to win. He’d lose them all, lose everything for her.

But he’d never allow her to lose anything.

So he lay there, holding onto her, memorizing every inch of her beauty. Because he knew it was just a matter of time before the sun came up properly, and reality broke down the door.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is short and sweet y'all. Haven't written in a millennia and still getting used to it. Sorry for keeping it so long, but hopefully I can get back to it soon! Hope you've had a lovely day!

To achieve such closeness had never been normal for James, his previous lovers scarce. Compared to the woman resting in his arms, any previous tryst had felt empty. And yet, the universe would grant him only that emptiness. Not his Lily.

His Lily was not his, whatever they said or did. He could fight the Kingdom, the king, for her, but could not allow her to lose anything. And she would. If he put his feelings before the kingdom there would be only chaos.

Sunlight pooled in from a crack in the curtains, but instead of bathing the couple, it burnt them. Poked and prodded James, reminding him what sunlight meant. It meant morning, that last night was no longer. He inhaled every touch, every kiss, every smile and every tear, and laid them to rest in his mind, sewing them into his heart. It was all he carried as he untangled his arm from around Lily, and slid from the bed.

Clothes now on, he stood by her, every physical remnant of last night erased. Her rosed cheeks were dotted with the reddest freckles, splayed out in perfect pattern. Lily was beauty embodied. And as he traced every line of her sleeping face, kissing it lightly, James smiled.

Smiled as he walked from the room, shutting the door behind him. Smiled as every step down the hallway ripped holes in his chest. Smiled despite the lone tear the fell down his cheek. 

His smile cracked, but he tipped his head up to the sky, thanking the universe for that night. 

And he prayed for strength that he could survive the next night alone. 

~~~~~~

It was cold in her bed when Lily awoke. 

Thousands of days of disappointment and loneliness could not have prepared her for that chill.

She'd known too well what it would mean, to let James into her bedroom last night. She'd known for longer than she cared to admit that he held her heart, and she was powerless against him. She deserved this coldness. This big, empty bed that stretched for miles. 

She placed a hand on where he'd laid, and felt the distant warmness on her palm. And through bitter tears, Lily thanked the universe that James had not said goodbye. She could not face his goodbye.

But it was different this time. This would not be another tragedy. If the universe would refuse her James, then she would show it she was not completely powerless against fate. No more walking away and resigning to her room. 

With a burst of energy, Lily rose from her bed, and threw open her curtains. She gazed out, far enough to see the waking streets of her Kingdom. Her Kingdom. She looked east.

A princess she was. But prisoner she was not. 

From now on, she was taking the reigns from fate, and fighting in any way she could. Because love, although it had ripped her apart, had given her a new fire. Not a fire that yearned to escape it's hold, but a fire that would blaze against any oppressors, and mould her into the woman she wanted to be.

Lily beckoned a servant to her room, and organised a meeting with her father.

~~~~

Back where it had all begun, Lily had to shrug off the sting of the last meeting as she strode into the court room. Back straight, head up, and determination in her eyes.

This time she did not bring notes, or shaking nerves. This time, when she faced her father, she held his eyes captive with a glare.  
This man had dictated her for so long, always made her feel like she wasn't enough. 

No more.

"I have a proposition for you, father."

The king didn't even blink, his chest rising in a slight sigh. His eyes bore into his daughter's, as if he was disappointed in something she hadn't said, rather than had.

"And I thought you'd called me here to make a confession."


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to quickly thank everyone who has supported this story, and what we're nominated for two Jily Awards?! You are all so amazing thank you! My first Jily story I can't believe it I love you!

Ice whispered through the open palace window, despite it being mid-spring, and kissed Lily's veins.

There was lead where her stomach had been, her tongue too heavy to lift and say what she was thinking. No. All Lily could do was watch with an insurmountable dread, as her father lifted a jewelled hand, and the door swung open.

If her pain could utter words, it would scream a million shattering screams as she beheld him. James. Bruised, reduced to nothing but a tattered shirt and worn pants. Black and blue coloured his tired face, and yet his eyes still shone. Shone as they traced her body in worry, James searching her for any marks, any sign that she was hurt. 

She was fine, she wanted to reassure him. 

Lily wanted to do a lot of things. Fall to her knees, caress that bleeding face, hold him tight and curse every goddamn trickle of fate that had led him to her. Because she had caused this. Her love had brought this upon him.

Instead, Lily straightened, suffocating her internal screams as she eyed her father with mild confusion. Her heart cracked with every word.

"What is the meaning of this?"

Her father lifted a brow, the only sign he was surprised. 

"You mean to tell me, child, that you don't know this man?"

With every pitiful bone in her body, Lily turned fully to face James, and shook her head. The dripping sand of time froze, mid air, as James' eyes met hers. Broken hazel. 

If she began to wonder what they'd done to him, Lily knew she'd hurl the contents of her stomach all over the floor. 

Any way she'd tried, she always fell back to this role. Pitiful, weak princess.  
Clenching a fist at the soldiers who held James' arms, she looked away.

"No, father. Why should I?"

This was the wrong answer, according to the frown that appeared on the King's face.

"No." He sighed, a long, deep sigh. Lily could almost kid herself that her father was showing emotion. But then his stone face turned grey, and he lifted his damning hand once again.

She should've known this was coming. Hadrian's mocking face appeared at the door, and he sauntered in. He spied James on the floor, and let out an amused chuckle. It was a noise unlike anything she'd ever heard from the prince. Pure, concentrated evil.

"We made a deal." Lily breathed, words a blade of anger.

Hadrian clicked his tongue, placing a hand on his chest. "And how do you think I felt, when I arrived at your room this morning, to find the help tucking in his shirt?"

The floor beneath her swept away, and Lily was falling, even as Hadrian approached her with a faux hurt expression. "I had to tell your secret. For us."   
She flinched as he touched her shoulder, taking deep breaths to calm the fire in her chest. She could kill him. 

Another agonising look at James, and Lily stepped from Hadrian's hold. She faced her father. 

"Release him." 

The King was searching her again, scouring her very soul for answers to questions he hadn't asked. "You forget yourself, child."

"I forget nothing!" Her yell echoed off the stone rooms, and everyone in the room felt it's power. The guards holding James exchanged shocked looks, and even Hadrian straightened, gawking at her. James lifted his gaze, locking it with hers. Giving her strength. 

"You will release him."

Hadrian bristled, but the king remained still. "And what of your duties?"

Lily sucked in a controlled breath, despite her hazardous words. 

"I know them very well."

Pitiful?

"Then you know that you have misconducted yourself." His Majesty countered. Tall against his throne, stone incarnate, the man was intimidating to all. But the lead of Lily's stomach had hardened into similar stone. 

Weak?

"All I know, is that my life has never been mine. But you have no right over James'. Release him."

Her last two words were filled with such venom, such sickening royalty that she'd always used to get her way, that she balked slightly. All of those rumours, perhaps there had been truth to them. Perhaps she was just as bad as Hadrian when it came to getting what she wanted. 

There was cold, icy silence, as the wind frosted the air. And then, her father waved a finger, and the guards stepped back. James sagged, pressing his palms to the floor to stay upright. Another crack where her heart should beat.

Even though her body urged her forward, urged her to wrap her arms around James and wipe away what her father had done-Lily stood her ground. She knew what was coming.

"And what do you offer in return?" The King asked, observing her every breath. A deal. Just as Hadrian had done, trapping her to the confines of her love. Her father could see what she felt, and was using it to chain her forever. 

Would she bow, for James?

"I offer nothing."

A death-like hush fell upon the room, impossibly quiet in an already silent room.

If asked what the hell she thought she was doing, Lily would reply she had no idea. But from where she stood, she felt, rather than saw, James smile. 

The King titled his head backwards, as if to see his daughter better. 

"Nothing?" Even his voice, unreadable. 

"She isn't in her right mind, your Majesty." Hadrian spluttered, stepping closer to Lily. He grabbed her shoulder, and pulled her close. James started, but groaned at the pain in his bones.  
"This man has tainted her, but-" He gave Lily a serpentine smirk, "I'll still accept her. For the good of our kingdoms."

Lily wanted to take every finger he laid on her, and watch them burn. 

"I do not accept you, nor do I offer anything in return for James' life." Lily took a brave step forward, closer to her father. She stared him down, remembering every taunt, every rule, every lecture he'd imposed upon her. 

Princess?

18\. She was 18. And her life was hers. No-one else's. Yes, it was her fault James had been hurt, and that would haunt her forever, but it would be her that freed him. Freed them both.

Stone isn't as scary up close.

"I listened. Through all you taught me, I listened. And you know what I heard? The only duty I have is towards myself." 

The tiara, that weighed so heavily upon her mind, her soul, was in her hand in one, quick tug. "Towards my life, and what I wish to do with it." 

She threw the tainted jewellery, watching it clang at her father's feet.

"Towards whom I wish to love."

"Love?" The stone in his voice wrapped around her heart, tightening it with fear. "Do you know what love is, child?"  
But she pushed back.

"Do you, father?"

The King shifted, aware of how scared she really was. Not necessarily of him, but of herself. She was in uncharted territory. She was in control.

"You are not ready."

For what?! She wished to scream at him. What did he have planned? What did he search for, every time he looked into her eyes?

Lily turned away, walking over to James. With a gentle grip, she eased him onto his feet. She placed an unabashed hand on James' cheek, fighting tears. He simply nodded, the hazel of his eyes also pushing at the fear in her heart. 

"What do you think you're doing?" Hadrian hissed.

Lily gave him a look that could freeze a flame. "Go to hell."

With one hand around James' waist, she met her father's watchful eyes. "Tell mother, I'm sorry."

A final breath, and the fear melted completely from her chest. Lily took James' hand, and walked out of the room.


End file.
